He Restores My Soul

So as I have thought alot here recently about the last year, what I have accomplished, what I didn't accomplish, what was meaningful, what changes were made in my life (either bad or good), and how I want 2009 to be soooo different ----God has really gotten my attention---and it has really gone even deeper than the last year. On January 18th I will be turning 29...therefore making this my last year in my twenties, I know, tear, such a sad time. Ok ok, so moving on and back to my point I have started thinking about all the things I have accomplished, or not, in my twenties. AND I only have one more year to go out with a BANG! I am going to say that this past year has not been the best one of my life spirtually--WOW, ok i said it! There have been times in my life that I have definetely been alot closer to God and appreciated him and our relationship more. This year together has not been good, therefore making me a nut case!

My daughter will be 18mo. on Saturday and I have wasted so much time not being the mother I thought I always would be. JJ and I will be married 7 years in April, and this past year, behind MY rose colored glasses, has been the absolute pits for me. I have made MYSELF miserable and everyone around me. I think I stole my own joy. So many times in life we tend to blame satan, but the problem is actually just us being selfish. I guess as I look back I should have prayed with Josie more and maybe treated JJ with the respect that he deserves.

Our Life Discovery class went to see Fire Proof one Sunday after church and of course I cried my eyes out. It takes alot to make me cry these days. I have let my heart get rather hard in the last few years. I guess after being told not to be a doormat for so long, you tend to become callused and start losing emotion. GOD WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR TEARS!!! Oh how I pray that they will come back. Back to the movie, after going to the movie, our church decided that we would start the Love Dare book on Sunday nights. YAY!!! Something that will make my husband change his ways and see how wonderful I am! Study me, study me!

XXXX wrong! I was way off base, did God ever jerk a knot in me!!!! This is the hardest book ever! The very first dare in the book is patience. Well if you know anything about me, I am the one who stands at the microwave and cuts it off with 5 seconds left to go. NOT patient. I could barely move past the first dare because every day, and still learning today, to shut my smart mouth and be kind. Maybe JJ was not as selfish as I thought. Maybe all of this time that I thought he was the problem and and after all of the bitterness I was building up inside was because of me reacting in an unGoldy manner. Oh did I mention, I hold on to things, begrudgingly, and don't talk about them.

So with all of that said, I am sure I left out something or said too much, I love my husband so much, he is the absolute perfect man for me and the one God wanted me to be with! I am so thankful to him for all that he does.

I am so amazed by our beautiful daughter! Sometimes I think about how awesome she is! I mean truly awesome. She is such a funny little person and cracks me up constantly. She can put a smile on my face, when I am in the worst mood. She has made me a better person already, but now I will strive even harder to be the example I need to be, not only for her, but for my sanity and those around me.

To go back to my title, I was reading a devotional last night about restoration because I am need of true restoration. I want my joy returned. But God is also going to nourish my soul back to health! Life gets so fast paced and we get so lazy. We quit making time for God like we should. That is were it begins. Just reading a verse or two a night just doens't cut it. You have to really dig deep and spend time with God if you want Him to show up in your life.